batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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