1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's shark week go big or go home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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