if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
