i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
