I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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