She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
