I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they're like a gay fantastic four
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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