I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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