Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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