I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I lost the right to judge tonight
A+ Viking dick
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
