Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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