Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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