Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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