Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm too high and old for this...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize