I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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