grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
