My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
