It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize