Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
