Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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