We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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