I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
