So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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