Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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