Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Less talking, more tequila
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
