Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize