Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
