hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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