***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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