I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
