I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
