I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
