You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize