so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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