i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
In America we eat man semen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
