I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
