I hope my margaritas pass through security.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
