even my farts smell like vagina
He passed out mid-signature
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
