he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
