Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
