Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize