also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
