Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
