Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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