Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
