well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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