I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
