Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found the puke drawer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
