Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
