We're facebook friends in real life
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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