You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
