I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
