it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't think brook has ever known best
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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