Your mouth is God's brothel.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
