guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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