WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
