morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize