Small penises have feelings too.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
