Well apparently he's into motor boating.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
