lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Operation Purity has been aborted
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
