Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
