When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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