Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
