hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
