some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Help. Why am I so naked?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize