So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
